he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
