What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
