I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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