there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
