The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
