YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
