cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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