I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
