and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
