Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
