You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
