Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
