i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize