my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
