Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
