The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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