Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
