How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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