TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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