I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
