I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
it's like iHOP with fire
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
