obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
then he tried to convert me to islam
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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