I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
