Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
that's an acceptable place to lick
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
