Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
