I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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