nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm always down for nudity.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
