went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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