Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
