Midget sex pt 2 tonight
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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