we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
