I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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