not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
