Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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