I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So here I am, sexting at work.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
