I look better un-naked...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
