I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
