My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize