I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
