have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
