so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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