Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
