I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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