You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
