so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
