margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize