I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
