Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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