oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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