Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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