I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
