my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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