Ambien. No doubt about it.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
