We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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