My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
