thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
