I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
