does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
