Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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