There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
