She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
