i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
