can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
