my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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