Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
