I met the friendliest cop last night
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My feet surprised me
Randomize
