like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
