IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
