Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
