worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
