I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
